Stress/Paranoia Onset.

Aside from being sick (and possibly having an infection... for the record NOT an STI), these holidays have been incredible; a fantastic time to just take a break from studying and just feel the flab, so to speak. I'm really going to miss not being on a break and given how much I've enjoyed it I'm actually considering a gap-year, though now that I think of it this has been mostly spurred on by the justification that university level homework is just as bad, if not worse than Year 12 homework. I go back to school on Tuesday, and every time I happen to think of it I feel completely stressed; just the thought of a sudden onset of homework and attempting to juggle without having time to completely relax is, as you can imagine, extremely off-putting. In addition to this, I've been sick for at least a month as a result of all the stress so you can imagine what it's doing to me. You might even go ahead to say "Bethany... harden the fuck up and stop stressing" but given how competitive I am it's like telling, say Thor, to hate maths. Completely unplausible concept. Woop-dee-fricken-doo.

On another note, I'm paranoid once again. Normally I'm too stressed to be paranoid, but this is an exception. At the moment I'm worried that I'm being too clingy, not giving people enough personal space and just being there without actually being there, if you know what I mean. This is especially applicable to new people I meet - I don't want to feel like I'm burdening their lives but at the same time I'm dead scared of losing them - just because they are incredibly marvellous and fantastic and have really topped off what has otherwise been a stressful year to date.

I'll leave it at that. If you have any words of wisdom, feel free to comment.

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